Tuesday, July 06, 2010

‘Grown-Ups’ – It’s not even for kids!

Note to Adam Sandler, after such gems as: ‘Funny People’, the often misunderstood ‘Reign Over Me’, ‘Bedtime Stories’, ‘Click’, and ‘Spanglish’ – you can stop making useless crap like ‘Grown-Ups’ now. You don’t need the paycheck. But perhaps I am not getting it – perhaps you are really doing the favor for Rob Schneider and David Spade; it seems that the only way these two hacks can get into a movie is through their old buddy Adam Sandler. If I never see Rob Schneider in a movie again, I can die a happy man.

If your idea of funny is watching friends get peed on, shot in the foot with an arrow, fall face first in a pile of feces, socked in the genitals or other ‘pie in the face’ type prat falls for about 90 minutes, then maybe, just maybe, ‘Grown-Ups’ is the film for you. But judging from the amount of yawns and crickets I heard in the theater that I attended – opening weekend mind you – this is a movie that will quickly fade from existence and from Kevin James’ resume (if he is smart).

Adam Sandler is Lennie, a high profile Hollywood super agent who gathers his old school mates together after the death of their beloved basketball coach (they won a basketball championship – a big deal in the 6th grade apparently). There is the patio furniture salesman Eric (Kevin James), the house husband Kurt (Chris Rock, really Chris? Where is the foul mouthed bad boy we know and love?), the new-age healer Rob (Rob Schneider, who had to have his character named after him because that is the extent of his capabilities) and the deadbeat Marcus (David Spade, the same character he has EVER played). At the funeral the decided to honor the coach by traveling to their old home town and spend the weekend at a rented lake house with their families in tow.

Of course poor Lennie has two spoiled sons and a fashion designer wife (Salma Hayek) who want to leave immediately; right away Lennoe is the character we are meant to identify and sympathize with – for those ‘awww’ moments as he teaches his kids the values of skipping rocks. I think I nearly vomited a few times.

Even if you were to stack this up to other Sandler turkeys like ‘Don’t Mess With the Zohan’ or ‘Little Nicky’ – they would be Oscar winners compared with ‘Grown-Ups’. This is a lazy mess of a movie put together solely based on the knowledge that there are millions of Sandler fans that would pay money just because his name is attached to the film. Do yourself a favor – watch the trailer on YouTube – those are the funniest moments in the Zero star effort – save your money for a better movie; there might be one coming up soon!

As a matter of fact; take your money and run out to Redbox and get ‘The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’ – the original Swedish film based on the wildly popular novel by Stieg Larsson and is currently being developed here in American. But before then check out this outstanding effort starring Michael Nyqvist and Noomi Rapace as the resourceful computer hacker who can also kick some major butt!

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